"Parenthood" Is Exciting

I just watched this week’s episode of “Parenthood”. Wow. There are so many great disability-related ideas that have been teed up and are just waiting for follow-through.

Part of me wants them to just get on with it. Have Hank and Max compare notes on what it’s like to cope with other people when you have Asperger Syndrome. Get Max to patch things up with with his friend Micha, and in the process realize that preconceptions about his abilities as a wheelchair user are just as “stupid” as peoples’ attitudes towards his own Asperger’s. I'd like to see a little more of Micha's new basketball friends, who aren't very nice to Max, but seem to have no problem hanging with a wheelchair user. Max’s parents, Adam and Krisina, seem finally to be getting it through their heads that a more relaxed, hands-off approach is sometimes best with Max. Yet, they still seem addicted to the drastic intervention. I loved the moment when Kristina immediately interpreted Max's latest social problem as being her fault, and Adam, with gentle sarcasm, says, "It might be your fault." Because, you know, it's always all about Kristina! To be fair, in the past, it's always been about Adam, too.

I’m worried that they leave these great ideas just hanging  But, maybe I just need to be patient. Maybe these developments will be better in the end if they are allowed to happen slowly, naturally. I can’t think of another show featuring disabled characters where there is actual suspense about how aspects of their disabilities will play out, for themselves and the people around them. It’s impressive.

Addendum:

I'm watching the episode a second time, and I just had to share this little exchange between Max and his father Adam:

Adam asks Max if he can remember why Micha might have gotten angry with him. 

Max: "Maybe it's because he was suddenly obsessed with basketball, and I told him basketball is stupid." 

Adam: "Okay, that could be."

Max: "He can't even play basketball. He's in a wheelchair."

Adam: "You didn't say that did you?"

Max: "Yeah. And then it was even more stupid because he said he could play wheelchair basketball, which I told him was stupid because it's not real basketball."

Adam: "Alright. I think that might have hurt Micha's feelings."

I loved this, except for one thing. If Max's Asperger's brain is so orderly and logical ... even though he's often working with faulty assumptions ... why doesn't Adam take the opportunity to argue with him a bit on his own turf, and draw a connection between Micha's disability and Max's? Or, is that unrealistic?

Photo Of The Day

From the Why Am I So F***ing Tired? Tumblr blog.

She’s got a regular website, too, and videoblogs on her Youtube Channel … mostly makeup tips, but also some stuff about disability.

Another Development About Ethan Saylor

After Ethan Saylor death, panel calls for better training on disabilities

Jessica Anderson, The Baltimore Sun - January 9, 2014

It sounds like the Governor-appointed commission to study how police in Maryland interact with people who have intellectual disabilities is on the right track. The commission was set up in response to the death of Ethan Saylor, a man with Down syndrome who died in an encounter with police, in a movie theater, that escalated unnecessarily. The commission seems to have mapped out a more ambitious mission for itself, which will extend beyond just better police training.

I still would like to know more about the role of Mr. Saylor’s aide in the incident. A few reports earlier on suggested that she tried to tell the police how to deal with Saylor, but was ignored. If that’s the case, then I hope part of the police training includes listening to the individuals with disabilities and people who are with them. I also hope that anguish over this terrible incident doesn’t lead to the kind of caution and protectiveness that would end up unintentionally reducing freedom and integration. Hopefully, enough people with disabilities will attend the “listening sessions” to ensure that the outcomes are real progress, not just narrowly-defined safety.

Reverse Inspiration

Via AmputeeOT Facebook Page.

Why "Special Needs"?

I have another question for parents of children with disabilities. I hope this question isn’t either too controversial or too ignorant, but here it goes. Why do blogs by parents of what I would term "kids with disabilities" use the term “special needs” instead of variations on disability?

Is it because disability sounds too negative? Is it because schools now widely use the term “special needs”. Does it reflect a more complex re-conceptualizing of “disability” as just another form of human variation? Or, is there some reason for it that I might be totally unaware of?

I ask because as an adult, I use variations on the word “disability” to describe my physical impairments, which I have had since birth. When I’m being very specific and scientific, I might use “impairments”. When I’m feeling punchy or shooting the sh*t with other disabled people, I might even say “cripple”. I know of many adults with disabilities who take care to use person-first language … and others who don’t like person-first language at all. I also know of many disabled adults who prefer “differently-abled”, or some other self-consciously positive terms. They’re not my cup of tea, but lots of disabled people like it. However, I can’t imagine myself, or remember any other disabled adults using “special needs” to describe their own disabilities. Like, never. I’ve only ever heard the term used by family members to describe disabilities of someone in the family … or doctors, teachers, or other professionals to describe patients, students, or customers, and mostly just children, rarely adults.

So, maybe I have a second, related question for parents. If you use “special needs” for your child, do you think your child will use the term to describe his or her situation when he or she grows up? Or, do you think they might switch to disability, as they mature and have the emotional tools to develop their own positive, and realistic self-concept?

Obviously, I’ve tipped my hand here. I don’t really understand or relate to the term “special needs”. The thing is, I don’t despise it the way I do some other disability euphemisms, and I don’t really have a strong argument for what might be wrong with “special needs”. I guess I’m saying that I am open to persuasion, and would like to hear if there is a thought-out philosophy behind it.

Photo Of The Day

From the Just Rollin’ On Tumblr blog.

No More R-Word

Quit Using The Word “Retarded” In Three Easy Steps

Tim Villegas, Think Inclusive - December 26, 2013

(Via Independent and Visible).

I like the way this article is phrased, like a guide to quitting smoking. I really think that for a lot of people, using the word “retarded” is an involuntary habit. There’s no substantive, linguistic reason to use the word. Other words and phrases work fine to describe brain impairments that affect intelligence. At this point, it’s just something that people have gotten into the habit of saying to describe people they think are stupid, or situations they feel are the opposite of “awesome”.

A word about “ending the word”. I would quibble a bit about exactly what the goal should be on this issue. I don’t think our goal should eliminating the word from the English language. If it did disappear, I’d be happy, but that shouldn’t be the goal. I think the goal should be to make “retarded” a thoroughly uncool thing to say in any circumstance. Along with that, for people who care about being polite, make it clear that “retarded” is thoroughly impolite and insulting. Of course, it may be that the easiest way to accomplish these goals is to tell people again and again to just stop using the word.

Here’s the video that’s embedded in the “Think Inclusive” article:

To me, the most persuasive argument for never saying, “retarded” again is that it is potentially a trigger word. That is, when some people hear it, the word triggers a strong emotional reaction because of associations of with real-life trauma. Most people who have cognitive impairments have had the word flung at them with real hostility, ceaseless ridicule, and sometimes violence. For them, “retarded” is an insult, a negation, and way more ugly than just a neutral slang word for “uncool”. Free speech aside, since I have no desire to hurt people with cognitive disabilities, that’s good enough for me.

I’m done with it, and in future I’ll only ever refer to it as “the r-word”.

American Horror Story

From the Disabled People Are Sexy Tumblr blog.

This is the actress Jamie Brewer, who is a semi-regular cast member of “American Horror Story”. In Season One, “Murder House”, she played Adelaide Langdon, and in the current Season Three, “Coven”, she plays Nan.

I’m only part way through the Season One, so I’ve only seen a little bit of Brewer’s performances. I still don’t know quite what to think. She plays the character well, but I’m having a hard time going with the flow of how her character is used in the story. It’s the usual dilemma of modern horror. If taken at face value, it’s often morally repugnant in the extreme. But, if what we are seeing is a commentary on the horrific behavior portrayed, can we feel okay about enjoying it? Sometimes, I think it really works that way. Other times, I think it’s a weak excuse for thrilling in a freak show.

My take at the moment is that we, the audience, are meant to be a bit creeped out by Adelaide herself, because of her appearance and voice as someone with Down Syndrome. The show also indulges in a hoary old cliche … the mentally impaired person who by virtue of their impairment is spiritually tuned in to an unseen world, or perceptive of some hidden truth. This would be empowering if it wasn’t such a well-worn trope.

At the same time, we are clearly also supposed to feel sorry for Addy, and be angry on her behalf, because of how her mother Constance, (Jessica Lange), treats her. In fact, Constance’s twisted way of loving / abusing Addy is our first hint at Constance’s own villainy. This is where we might feel that we’re seeing a commentary of some sort, and forgive ourselves from shuddering a bit from our first encounter with Addy.

Finally, I kept waiting for someone to ask why Addy, who is a grown woman, still lives like a child with her mother. The new next door neighbors, the show’s main characters and catalysts, would have been the perfect people to ask a challenging question like that, especially their teenaged daughter who is kind of a rebel anyway. But so far, Addy’s status is never questioned.

I wonder how Brewer feels about playing these characters, and I really wonder how Jessica Lange felt to be saying such vile things to her “daughter” in that first season. I’m especially anxious to see what kind of character Jamie Brewer played in AHS “Coven”. Please, don’t spoil me!

Incidentally, I was impressed to read in her IMDB biography that Jamie Brewer has served in the leadership of the ARC and other disability organizations, in her home state of Texas and nationally. It’s good to see organizations serving developmentally disabled people include leadership from people with developmental disabilities. It’s also good to see someone with disabilities embrace service to people like themselves, rather than shunning the connection.

What Should We Call Them?

I’m trying to come up with a short, witty term for those things that people say regarding disability that people with disabilities mostly roll their eyes about, but that non-disabled people say all the time and think are very insightful. For example:

"The only disability in life is a bad attitude."

“Everyone has some kind of disability.”

“Disabled people are just like everyone else.”

A the moment, I like to call these “Low-Calorie Ideas”. They aren’t exactly wrong. On some level they are even a little bit right. But, they are off-base, and more importantly they say less of substance than they seem. These aphorisms sound significant, and to some they kind of feel good, but if you think about them at all, you realize that they are pretty thin and empty. When you say them, you haven’t said much.

What other ways can we explain why we don’t like these kinds of clichés?

Maysoon Zayid TED Talk

There’s rather a jumble of messages and ideas in this TED Talk, but I enjoyed it. Sometimes it’s worth the time just to hear an interesting person’s stories.

Disability And Hotness

“Socially-Responsible Objectification”

Smart Ass Cripple - December 30, 2013

I’ll be honest. At first I didn’t understand what Smart Ass Cripple was getting at with this one. I’m not 100% sure I fully get it now. But this quote I think captures the main idea, and it’s a doozy:

"It says that even if you’re crippled you still have a lot to look forward to, if you’re hot. Yes, plenty of opportunity still awaits you if you have gumption and a can-do spirit and you’re hot.”

I’ve been getting more and more interested in the body image aspects of disability lately, what with the Mannequins video making me cry, and Tumblr sites like Disabled People Are Sexy. I think there’s a lot to think about here, and I love to see people exploring ways that everyone can be beautiful. However, I don’t think we’ve come all that far, really, from conventional standards of beauty. And I do think that people with disabilities who are also conventionally attractive have a markedly different experience of disability from those of us who are not. I won’t say markedly better, because there are so many other variables that affect each person. But if nothing else, conventional attractiveness seems to make it a lot easier for non-disabled people to relate to people in wheelchairs, people with prosthetics, people who use crutches, or who have other noticeable disabilities.

I’m not at all sure what this means, or what it should lead us to do, but I think it’s true.

A Question For Parents Of Kids With Disabilities ...

Have you ever felt your attitude or feelings about disability changed or influenced by a disabled character on a TV show? If not changed, do you feel more strongly drawn to any disabled TV characters because of your family experience with disability? Has your child ever identified more strongly with a TV character because he or she has a disability?

Weekly Wrap-Up

Monday, December 30, 2013

• Disability In India
• Wheelchair Santa … Followup
• American Girl Petition … Followup

Tuesday, December 31, 2013

• Happy New Year

Wednesday, January 1, 2014

• Blogging Note: Looking Back, Looking Ahead

Thursday, January 2, 2014

• More Shit People Say ...

Friday, January 3, 2014

• Photo Of The Day ... Wheelchair Bound

Saturday, January 4, 2014

• President Bartlett Has MS
• Photo Of The Day