A Non-Soppy Disability Love Story

Walk down the aisle another amazing step on AuSable Forks woman's journey

Ben Rowe, Press-Republican - February 14, 2015

Here’s a rare sentimental disability story that I actually enjoyed reading.

I’ve written before about the mixed messages sent by stories of paralyzed people going to great lengths to “walk” down the aisle at their weddings. What bothers me most about them isn’t that some people want to do it. The real problem is that disabled people who choose instead to wheel down the aisle ... like they wheel everywhere else in their lives ... don’t get heartwarming newspaper stories written about them. Meanwhile, the people who do go to Herculean efforts to walk a few steps are portrayed as heroes, while their voices, and the stories of their everyday lives tend to get short shrift.

That’s partly why I liked this story about Michaela, a young woman who lives in my neck of the woods, who I’ve met and know a little bit. It helps that I know her, of course, and I’m pretty sure she doesn’t spend 24-7 pining after a cure. At any rate, she reserves at least some of her time and energy for actual living, working, and of course loving. The story starts with her walk, but quickly becomes about Michaela and Kyle. It doesn't ignore her disability, or minimize it, but puts it into context. The story is really about more than her walk down the aisle. It is about Michaela and Kyle’s relationship, affected and given unique shape by her disability, but in other ways quite typical.

The story is heartwarming without for a moment being maudlin. We hear more from Michaela and Kyle than we do from parents, therapists, or the journalist. These are rare qualities in human interest journalism focused on disabled people. It’s even more admirable from a small-town newspaper, when so-called giants of journalism regularly give us much worse.

Above all, I’m left with an important reminder, that these stories of “recovery” are also part of disability culture, in that they are important to many disabled people. The issue we sometimes have about these stories is how they are reported, and whose voices are and aren’t heard. The stories themselves are fine, and deserve to be told.

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Weekly Wrap-Up

Sunday, February 8, 2015

• Followup

Monday, February 9, 2015

• More Time Out

Wednesday, February 11, 2015

• The Definition Of Ableism

Thursday, February 12, 2015

• Don’t Be Distracted

Friday, February 13, 2015

• Disability Blogging Link-Up

Saturday, February 14, 2015

• Blogiversary II

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Blogiversary II

Two years ago today, I hit “Publish” on my first blog post at Disability Thinking. It didn’t take long for blogging on disability issues to become a more or less daily habit, which is exactly what I hoped would happen. My ambitions for a more complex, full-service website haven’t really panned out, but that’s because I don’t really think we need one. I did add the Disability.TV Podcast last year which I’ve enjoyed doing but needs a lot of work, growth, and consistency to become really good to listen to … by which I mean entertaining. Just recently, I started adding weekend link-ups, which I hope will become a reliable place to visit, for the best, most interesting disability blogging.

I don't expect to add any new features before Disability Thinking’s 3rd Anniversary. That said, I am always interested in hearing ideas for how disability-based blogging and social media can become more fun and influential … both for the disability community itself and for the world at large.

Of course, there’s always the possibility of a facelift … new colors, graphics, fonts, and widgets.

You can always contact me with ideas, or post them in the Comments below. You can reach me at:

Email: apulrang@icloud.com

Twitter: @AndrewPulrang

Facebook: www.facebook.com/disabilitythinkingblog

Disability Blogging Link-Up

Another Friday … another Blogging Link-Up!

Use the doodad below to post a favorite blog post or article on something related to disability.

In the "Your name" blank, type the name of the author or website, and the title of the article or post. For instance:

Disability Thinking: Best Disability Post Ever!

In the "Your URL" blank, paste the whole website address of the article you are posting.

Then click the "Enter" button. That's it!

Note: If your post doesn't appear immediately, try "refreshing" the page a few times. Sometimes it takes a little while to show up. Also, feel free to post more than one item. Finally, you might want to add a comment at the bottom of this post, to identify yourself or add an explanation or comment about the items you are posting.

Have fun posting and reading! This Link-Up will close at Midnight Eastern on Sunday.

Don't Be Distracted

‘Retard, animals!’ New York principal caught on tape screaming abuse at special needs students

David Ferguson, Raw Story - February 10, 2015

The thing to remember about these incidents where people in caregiving positions lose their shit and spew vile ableism, is that it’s all too easy to focus on the awfulness of the individual.

I’d bet real money that behind this principal’s rant is what she considers a coherent, probably brave and rational philosophy of disability and education. It seems like she believes that most of her students are horrible monsters … probably not truly “disabled” in her eyes … who are far too coddled and indulged. She seems to think that the kids are deluded, too, and need to be told in the harshest terms that they are regarded by others as inferior, and will continue to be so unless they shape up. She’s there to whip them into shape and tell it like it is. If this is anything like her thinking, she is not alone.

It’s also important to note that this kind of ideology and behavior flourishes much more easily in segregated, disability-only “special needs schools” and classrooms. Fewer people see what happens there every day, and the “special needs” moniker is like a protective halo, shielding everyday practice from scrutiny and criticism.

The terrible irony, of course, is that there are probably quite a few families who chose to place their kids in this school because they feared they would be ground down and bullied in a “mainstream” environment. Separate and special often sound “safe”, when in fact, they are just as often the exact opposite.

It's about more than a terrible person. It's a terrible system.

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The Definition Of Ableism

Baby Taken Away Because Mom’s ‘Disabled’

Elizabeth Picciuto, The Daily Beast - February 10, 2015

This is a great article on an important development in the legal rights of parents with disabilities.

This is how disability discrimination works. The whole issue is based on the premise that any disabled parent is less able to be a parent than any non-disabled parent. Yes, it appears the social workers cited a few specific instances of parenting flaws, but they are so minor and occasional that it looks like they sought out those incidents in order to check enough boxes to justify their pre-determined decision.

I suspect what happened is that one or two specific HHS workers got it into their heads that the mother is a mess of some sort … not inspiring confidence or some such “vibe" … and they’re sticking to their guns out of a mixture of what they must view as bravery and highly personal conviction.

For what it’s worth, I can imagine myself doing something like this, too. I can picture myself meeting a young woman and her parents and just not liking them, or maybe being weirded out by them. Maybe they’re super-religious. Maybe they come off as big time nuts-and-berries hippies. Maybe they don’t believe in vaccination. Maybe it’s one of those families that's adopted like 15 disabled kids. There are all kinds of things that might set off my personal alarm bells. But none of them alone would justify taking a child away from her mother and giving her to foster parents. The difference here is that conventional wisdom still supports the idea that disabled people make suspect parents.

Again, that’s the definition of disability prejudice … of ableism.

The part that really baffles me is how the role of the grandparents seems to have been forgotten. Did the social workers take a dislike to them, too? Or, did they initially not even realize they were in the picture, and never reevaluated when it became clear the mother wasn’t even planning on raising her child alone?

Finally, take a look at some of the comments to the article. Of course she’s incapable. The baby will suffer so she can have her rights. She’s probably going to crank out more and more babies. Lovely stuff, all based on broad generalizations and not at all on the specifics of this situation.

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More Time Out

Still feeling pretty crap. Is there any way I can get some of those scaaaaaary additives they supposedly put in vaccines? I feel like I need the most toxic stuff I can find to get on top of this thing.

So once again, expect a light blogging week.

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Followup

When My 2-Year-Old With Down Syndrome Met a Grown Up Like Him at the Hair Salon

Anne Grunsted, The Mighty - February 6, 2015

I am posting this as a followup to last week’s item on parents of disabled kids meeting … or not being interested in meeting … disabled adults. Ms. Grunsted’s encounter was by chance, not design. Maybe that makes it even more valuable. I also want to note that personally, I would probably shy away from overly arranged meetings. Organization tends to introduce artificiality. Arranged meet ups don’t bother everyone though, and I do think they are far preferable to the current situation … where parents of disabled kids, and adults with disabilities, seem to occupy parallel, never overlapping worlds.

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Weekly Wrap-Up

Tuesday, February 3, 2015

• Time Out

Wednesday, February 4, 2015

• Trailer: Daredevil

Thursday, February 5, 2015

• Our “Disability Awareness"

Friday, February 6, 2015

• Disability Blogging Link-Up

Saturday, February 7, 2015

• Inspiration Porn and Sentimentality

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Inspiration Porn and Sentimentality

I hope I’m feeling well enough tonight to participate in the #FilmDis Twitter discussion. This week’s topic is “Inspiration Porn”. #FilmDis is a weekly real-time discussion about disability on film, led by Dominick Evans … @dominickevans.

Inspiration Porn is definitely a thing, including in film … especially during Oscar Season … especially this Oscar season. Self-consciously uplifting stories of disabled people who overcome their horrible problems to become just as good as everyone else are unoriginal, but reliably effective. Moviegoers who want an emotional catharsis that leaves them feeling better coming out than going in almost always get their money’s worth. I dare say there are lots of disabled moviegoers who lap it up as well. We need encouragement ourselves, sometimes. But for a significant number of us, Inspiration Porn is immediately, instinctively revolting. Why? What’s wrong with us?

The usual answer is that there’s nothing wrong with us at all. “Inspiration Porn” is bad, offensive, harmful. I tend to agree. But I think there’s more to it than that … or perhaps less.

I think that a lot of what we in the disability community call “Inspiration Porn” is actually just sentimentality. I can’t stand sentimentality, and not just when it’s disability themed. I can give all sorts of sociological and literary explanations for why “Inspiration Porn” is vile, but the bottom line is I don’t like weepy movies and cheap, formulaic tears wrung out of me, especially when they are based on what I know to be false and misleading portrayals of a life I actually live. I object to it. More importantly I don’t like it.

In a way, maybe that’s enough.

The #FilmDis discussion starts at 9 PM Eastern.

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Disability Blogging Link-Up

It's Friday … the Blogging Link-Up is open!

Use the thingamajig below to post a favorite blog post or article on something related to disability. You can post something you've written, or someone else's work you really like.

In the "Your name" blank, type the name of the author or website, and the title of the article or post. For instance:

Disability Thinking: Best Disability Post Ever!

In the "Your URL" blank, paste the whole website address of the article you are posting.

Then click the "Enter" button. That's it!

Note: If your post doesn't appear immediately, try "refreshing" the page a few times. Sometimes it takes a little while to show up. Also, feel free to post more than one item. Finally, you might want to add a comment at the bottom of this post, to identify yourself or add an explanation or comment about the items you are posting.

Have fun posting and reading! This Link-Up will close at Midnight Eastern on Sunday.

Our "Disability Awareness"

Disability Awareness usually refers to making non-disabled people “aware of" disability and disabled people. I’ve been thinking that the label also nicely encapsulates the mindset that comes with actually having disabilities.

It’s the awarenesses we have to develop and maintain, in order to do the stuff we need to do and want to do every day.

It’s always knowing we have an extra layer of planning required for us to do, well, just about anything. Of course, everyone has to plan for some things, but we have to plan for everything, and our layers of planning tend to be thicker.

It’s always having to factor our disabilities into most experiences. Even being sick is more complicated. Sometimes it’s worse, sometimes not. But it’s always just a bit more of a pain.

And yes, it’s the low-grade awareness, that occasionally becomes a high-grade fever, that other people who appear to be just going about their business are aware of your disability. Which not to say they they necessarily understand it, or that they have a problem with it. That’s a whole other issue. The point is they’re aware of it, no matter what we do or think about ourselves.

Again, not necessarily a big deal, but that’s our disability awareness.

Trailer: Daredevil

I’m not a comic books guy, but this might be a thing ...

The whole “blind, but with extraordinary senses” thing is kind of old, and mostly inaccurate. The trailer at least suggests that the series will be about more than overcoming disability. With any luck, it’ll be good disability TV.